Forgiveness is a beautiful thing and a freeing experience that leads us to joy. As humans, we all sometimes hurt others with our words and actions, or even our inaction. We are all also sometimes hurt by others. This can steal our joy for sure. We all know what it is like to hold on to the hurt caused by others. It festers, it gnaws at us, it deepens, and it clouds our whole view of life. When we choose to let it go, to offer forgiveness, even if the person doesn’t ask our forgiveness, we are set free. We are at peace.
Likewise, when we are aware that we have hurt someone else, the sooner we come clean and express our sorrow and ask for forgiveness, the sooner we are released from the guilt and weight of our offense, and the sooner the relationship may be restored.
Every marriage, every close friendship, must be characterized by the continual practice of forgiveness if it is to survive. We are self-centered, self-seeking people by nature. And so we hurt one another. Beyond that, we can be fickle, short-sighted, and sometimes oblivious to the needs of others. When I mention to people that I have been married to the same woman for 56 years, they often ask, “What is your secret?” And I respond, “Commitment, forgiveness, and the grace of God.”
The Bible often uses the imagery of light and darkness. And this process of forgiving and being forgiven can be described as “walking in the light” with one another, keeping short accounts, being open and honest.
John, the Apostle said to his spiritual children, “But if we walk in the light as he is in the light, we have fellowship with one another.” (1 John 1:7). This image of light and darkness strikes me as a very helpful way to describe it. In my experience, when I am holding on to hurt, or sense that I have hurt someone else, it feels like the relationship is broken, or a cloud has settled over me leaving a darkness. But when I confess, or when I forgive, the cloud is lifted, and I feel that I am walking in the light with that person. It is a great feeling to walk in the light, with nothing hindering our relationship, nothing holding us back.
Forgiveness and a restored relationship will bring us abundant joy. And so, John, the Elder, again says, “And we are writing these things so that our joy may be complete.” (1 John 1:4). And again he says, “I have no greater joy than to hear that my children are walking in the truth.” (3 John 4). The fellowship that comes from walking in the light with one another is sweet, something to be treasured. It is honest, it is humble, it is genuine. We find great freedom in this kind of relationship, the freedom to be ourselves, to speak the truth to one another. No one likes to feel like they are constantly walking on eggshells in a close friendship.
The Greek word for fellowship is koinonia and has the meaning of “sharing in common.” It has been a defining characteristic of the Christian church since the beginning. Sometimes it meant sharing material resources so that no one would be in need. But it always assumes sharing a common faith and common understanding that we are fallible and broken people, that we have been forgiven much by God, and that we will be forgiving people. In fact, the Lord’s Prayer includes the important phrase: Forgive us our debts (sins) as we have also forgiven our debtors. If we refuse to forgive, or are unable to forgive, then we do not understand the central message of the gospel.
Now, I understand that some hurts are very deep with lasting scars. It may take a long period of processing and professional counseling to come to terms with the depth of our pain. And sadly, in our broken world, it may mean that we cannot and should not place ourselves in a position of vulnerability to the one who has hurt us in this way. Forgiving someone is not the same as excusing or minimizing what they did. But forgiveness is essential to our own ability to heal and move on from the emotional damage of our wound. And it is crucial to our spiritual wellbeing. And at the end of this long road, joy will come. Please don’t give up on joy.
Next time we will talk about the joy of being forgiven by God, with a restored cleansed conscience.
I came across this song by Gizmo Varillas, an emerging singer-songwriter (born in Spain, lives in Wales), Freedom For a Change, a very gentle song which captures much of the spirit of forgiveness.